I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fuck appropriateness.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
