I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
