dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dicks are not precious.
These tits shall not be calmed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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