i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
