I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
