There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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