I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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