woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
