His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wish my penis had a tongue
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
