I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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