What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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