You smell like a Billy Joel song
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
