Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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