you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
