i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
