a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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