Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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