you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
