hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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