well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
