i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
