right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
