So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
