No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
