you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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