he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
