she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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