You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
