Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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