Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
