I have demons in me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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