I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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