Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
