Moan for me like Helen Keller
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
