She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
