haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
