Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
