There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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