my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
