at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
