Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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