She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
