they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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