so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
