I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
