I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was like eating out sand paper
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
