But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
