please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
