you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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