My liver just broke up with me...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
