omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
